Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll to Girl Boss

So my mom came to visit! It’s been two days since she left and since then all my free time’s been spent organizing photo’s and filing all the new digital content that I’ve created. It’s the first time in a while that I’ve posted something on social media, and why is it that I always start by writing my posts this way?!

“Guys, it’s been a while since I’ve posted something . . . blah, blah, blah,” and in the next sentence I’ll jump into an update. I guess its because I’m always wishing and longing that I could post more content than I am!

And still, the truth remains the same, that it’s been a while since I’ve posted.

I don’t know about you, but every time I create something new on one of my platforms, I tend to circle back around and feel into where I was in my last post before I begin. And in this case, I was with the thoughts of sex, drugs and rock & roll. To give you some context, I’d spent my first season at Pacha Mama in ripped tee’s no bra, the wild seeping into my toes. I lost the extra weight, felt heath and well being in my bones, and romanticized my new surroundings. I fell in love with life again, and what can I say, celebrating for me is to live in the party.

It was me coming to terms with my sexuality. I learned to release so much conditioned guilt and shame around the topic, and if you want the real juicy truth on the matter, I did it all without actually having sex. 

I know, “what’s the point in that right?!”

Well one day I'm sure that will change, but for now, as someone who’s gone down some obscure rabbit holes in my day, in this case the elite’s left hand path global agenda—with all of it’s sexual distortions, and as someone who also believes in the divine union of souls, being with someone just for the moment, as tempting as the fantasy has seemed at times, hasn’t been something that I’ve felt drawn to. I guess the right person hasn’t come along yet, and the truth is that I know that I’m not where I’m supposed to be in order for life to bring me that person. I’m in a phase of growth, and as much as I’m in love with my journey, for this moment, it’s a solo one.

When I made the leap to work in Costa Rica, on the cusp of my new adventure, I had this flashy idea of who I’d become, and to tell you the truth, I’m still very draw to it. Toes in the sand, hair in the breeze, I’m learning to build my own little digital corner—girl boss style and in the most beautiful place, with the most beautiful people I could imagine. In a community integrated with spiritual awareness. 

I wrote my last blog post before guitar, before Alegra, and before the high season here at Pacha Mama. I wrote my last post before almost everything, and since most of the everything is now complete, lots of things have changed, and lots of things have remained the same. 

Months ago, I had a dream. I dreamt that an old highschool friend came to visit the Pach and that she knew all of our work exchangers. In the dream all of my new found friends had been her friends first, they’d known each other as children, they addended summer camp together. 

WTF?

It was a puzzling dream with a twofold of magical offerings. The first, was that it made me reconnect with my old highschool friend and get a sweet update on her life, and the second, was that I met a new friend in someone very similar. 

LESSONS FROM FRIENDS

(Names have been changed to protect identities.)

Alegra

Enter Alegra, the gypsy child, meets Bridget Jones Diary, party girl from Black Country. She’d dated the lead singers from famous bands, shared of her radical experiences with heroin, and came out of it all looking ten years younger, ten times wiser, and ten times brighter that your average Joe. 

But hey, isn’t that what spiritual awakening does to all of us? If we stay connected to the earths natural frequencies, it puts us on a path of health and well being, and most of us find that the narrow tracks of right and wrong get a lot wider in the foothills self awareness. 

Alegra brought me joy, inquiry, and a little more of the sex, drugs and rock & roll that I’d been craving. We talked it ALL out, and hedonism came up as a theme to be loved on. 

If you’re here for the inside scoop on what I’ve been learning these past months, as a healer breaking out into the professional space, I’ve been battling with an image vs. reality scenario; of being the clean cut, high vibe angelic energy worker with glowing skin, vs. the budding musician, and party girl who works the evening shift at our village cafe. It's been a battle between the higher and lower chakras, that for me echoed into the light and dark hierarchies of our earthly systems. My mind was full, and my heart was conflicted. 

Alegra taught me that becoming a master means to find our personal balance in whatever we’re drawn to in life, and I was reminded to seek for the lesson amidst the conflict so that I could move forward.

And . . .  what was it that I learned exactly? What was my pathway out? 

It’s was this: that as long as we’re not causing harm to ourselves or to others, there’s lots of wiggle room for how we'll fill our human roles with integrity and grace. Alegra, and the respect and control she had for her hedonistic moments, was a beautiful reflection, just like her highschool doppelgänger Emma had been for me decades earlier. 

. . .

Oh, and remember when I said that I’d eventually do a circle back on my spiritual adventures in Peru? Well my friends, since a new spirit animal has come in strong on the back of my mothers arrival—the sea turtle—it's about time that I share some reflections on my time with the Puma spirit, because yes! There have been some insights and all of them related to our personal power here on earth. 

I was traveling back from Rock night one morning, something we do almost monthly here at PachaMama, with a group of women in the back of a pick up truck up the bumpy road from the river, and we got talking about the Andes. “There are huge power activations there,” someone commented, “I’ve seen people come back from Peru with so much energy and strength.” 

It hit me with a resonance, and although the adjustment from living in the energy of my higher chakra's to embodying my lower ones was tough at first, I was going though the lessons for living an empowered life as your typical human here on earth. How to stay big in the light, and sometimes how to stay big in the dark too. 

. . .

My dream really is to travel the world as an energy healer, to work remotely and to help people. Maybe, in places where an open mind to the world online is not so common, living as a digital nomad is a confusing thought. But for me it’s my white picket fence dream, and even though I’ve seriously struggled along the way; with self worth, with body image, with overwhelm, with feeling unsupported, and with having to be a trailblazer with it all—with finding my way, I wouldn’t change my journey for the world. It’s just how it all went down. 

When my mom came to visit me for Easter weekend, a lot of my insecurities got loved on, and even healed. I did’t expect it, but I felt so supported and seen, and how magical it was that this healing moment was with a star archetype in the life of all human beings, my actual momma. 

We went to the beach, sat together, ate, talked, looked at wildlife, did some shopping, and walked, a lot. My mom booked us in to see the sea turtles, and at the very end of our trip we got matching charm necklaces with little ones dangling down. It was a "that's so highschool" moment and so full of sweetness.

So guys, it’s official, in April I’m going from puma to sea turtle, from power to wisdom, and from perseverance to grace. 

It’s back to the water where I belong! 

THE HEALING PATHWAY: Where is it in your life that you’re conflicted between higher spiritual ideals and lower earth life reality? Through journalling or artistic depiction, create a new story; and one that doesn't require you to change your actions. Instead create a new story that softens judgement and embraces all the aspects of who you currently are within a loving state of understanding. Use your imagination, and breath into your heart. The first step is to cultivate peace, and then in the future, if you still feel that changes to your lifestyle are needed, you can make them grounded in love.